How NOT to Use the Internet

The internet is a wonderful thing. It teaches, it entertains and it helps us communicate on a global scare. It is also however an unspeakably evil entity with the sole goal of making certain that I get no actual work done while it is around. It is all powerful, all consuming (It lives by digesting wasted moments and pointless clicks). There is no way of avoiding its traps but one can prepare oneself for the inevitable. If you are going to be ensnared you might as well make your stay at the hotel pointless as enriching as possible. Here are a couple of rules that may or may not help some poor lost soul out there.

1) Wikipedia is your friend

Don’t get me wrong, Wikipedia is evil too; it tempts you to click from one article to the next in an endless loop of interconnectivity that can only result in your death caused by malnutrition having not left the keyboard for two weeks solid.. It’s just that if you’re going waste your life clicking links you might as well be learning something at the same time. Sure you may end up losing your job, your home and eventually even the few pennies you have scrimped and saved to afford an hour in an internet cafe will not be enough to keep you only but at least you’ll know why famous synaesthete Bonnie Greer wrote a play about Ella Fitzgerald.

2) Forums are OK, to an extent

Forums are a great way to talk with like minded people about the stuff you love. Unfortunately they are also great places to get annoyed by cretins to the extent that you find most of your working day spent arguing IN CAPITALS about why Happy Feet sucked balls.

3) Nitrome is the Antichrist

Nitrome are the wonderful people who design and distribute free online games like Final Ninja, Mutiny, Skywire, Dirk Valentine, Toxic and Scribble. These are all excellent games, so excellent in fact that you will find yourself trying to complete all of the levels at the expense of any contact with the outside world. Avoid!

There are more rules that I am sure you need to know but I will conclude now with:

4) Blogs

When you have a book to write don’t spend half an hour writing a blog entry about any old bollocks.


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